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Rise of Communist micronation threatens Siroccan territories

RED NEIGHBOURS: The appearance of the Communist nation of Otautahi has alarmed the Siroccan government, which holds territory claimed by the new country.

Bradford, KR, Jul 6 - The Siroccan government is tonight deciding how to deal with the emergence of a Communist micronation in the New Zealand city of Christchurch that has claimed a number of Siroccan territories.

The nation of Otautahi, derived from the Maori name for Christchurch, was founded on July 4 by James Davies and friend James McIlhone, who promptly claimed sovereignty over the whole of Christchurch, which includes the Siroccan territories of Greater Hagley, Maxia, Sandford and Trinity.

News reached Bradford this evening of the new nation’s foundation and its claims, and already those in government are nervously planning their next moves.

The news is a humiliating blow for Premier Daniel Anderson and the Federal Party, who have prided themselves on protecting New Zealand from Communist influence for some time, and must now deal with Communist neighbours not far from Sirocco’s own territories.

While the location of the main operating centre of Otautahi has not yet been ascertained, any claim within Christchurch puts it extremely close to the territory of Greater Hagley, as well as the outlying territories of Maxia, Sandford and Trinity.

In a statement released a short time ago, the Premier said he was “horrified” at the emergence of a Communist micronation with New Zealand, and pledged “strong action to keep our rightful lands safe”.

“This is a slap in the face to all of Sirocco, and we will not sit idly by and let Reds run riot near our borders. We take this threat extremely seriously, and we are not ruling out stronger action if they force our hand.”

“Our message to the besieged people of Greater Hagley, Sandford, Maxia and Trinity is that we have not abandoned you. These Communists have caught us off-guard, but we will not let these vile aggressors threaten you. The Federal Party stands with you, the Government stands with you, and the whole of Sirocco stands with you. The Communists were not able to take Berlin in 1948, and they will not be able to take Sirocco in 2014. We will get you through this.”

Anderson also noted the irony of a Communist nation boasting a Mercedes-Benz 300-SL as part of its military.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has confirmed it has sent a request to the leadership to scale back its claims, mainly to give Sirocco’s territories ample breathing room.

The national NOWAA scale (Normal, Observe, Warning, Alert and Attack) has been raised from 5 to 2, with the Siroccan Defence Forces in both the region of Lindström and Bradford preparing themselves for the possibility of a Red assault.

No word has been received from Otautahi at the time of publishing.

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Micro High movie proves hit for SBC

GRAND FINALE: The Micro High Cinematic Televised Movie Thing follows the gang as they head out into the adult world and brush up against some old adversaries.

GRAND FINALE: The Micro High Cinematic Televised Movie Thing follows the gang as they head out into the adult world and brush up against some old adversaries.

Bradford, KR, Apr 1 – Fans of hit cartoon series Micro High were not left disappointed this morning with the midnight premiere of its long-awaited film adaptation, with many who attended the event lauding the experience as fitting for the spirit of the show.

The Micro High Cinematic Televised Movie Thing made its debut at 12:01 this morning at Bradford’s Ilaf Theatre to a large crowd of moviegoers, all of whom were eager to see the film that has been promised since April last year.

The movie focuses on the cast of the show in their first year away from school as they try and make their way in the world, only to come up against their nemeses from the Wikia Academy for Numpty Kids (W.A.N.K.) who have old scores to settle.

Movie critic Edsel Pinto praised the movie as “a rollickingly good laugh almost indistinguishable from the television series”, noting that “the direction and scripting is second-to-none, and I dare say it eclipses even the most hilarious moments we saw on the box”.

The movie was produced by animation studio Fern Tree and funded by the Siroccan Broadcasting Corporation, who in a statement said it was “great to bring back the show so many people loved”.

Animation for the film was done via cartoon software UIdio.t, which gave the cast slightly different appearances from the Xtranormal days. Despite some reservations from test audiences, Fern Tree defended the decision, saying that it allowed the characters more freedom of movement as well as a range of costumes and movements not available with Xtranormal, as well as full 1080p High Definition output.

The film had been slated to be given an R16 rating, but editing and negotiations saw this lowered to a 14 rating, making it more accessible for the show’s fans.

The Micro High Cinematic Televised Movie Thing is scheduled for international release in Zealandia and Wyvern tomorrow; St.Charlie, Erephisia, Austenasia and Juclandia on Saturday and the wider micronational community next week.

Dates for the television, Blu-ray, DVD, VHS and Betamax releases of the film have not yet been confirmed by the SBC.

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Government warns of Communist subversion in Auckland

RED THREAT: Government departments have been spending the week charting and analysing Communist propaganda in and around central Auckland in order to determine the risk to the Siroccan state. Photo courtesy Wikipedia.

Bradford, KR, Mar 7 - The Government has this afternoon warned of the presence of subversive Communist elements in central Auckland, causing concern in Sirocco’s territories in the region.

In a press conference this afternoon, Premier Daniel Anderson revealed that since Tuesday, a number of government departments and private enterprises, including the Ministry of Defence, the Departments of Land Information, Internal Affairs, and Public Safety, and the Institute of Scientific Research, have been examining and documenting Communist propaganda surrounding the University of Auckland’s City campus.

The propaganda, pictures of which the Times has declined to reproduce in the interests of public safety, contained excerpts from the Communist manifesto, information on Leftist ideologies, and pieces critical of capitalist economies, Anderson said.

The posters also urged interested parties to attend meetings and lectures designed for the dissemination of Communist ideas.

One poster contained explanations of Marxist Communism overlayed atop a street sign, slammed by Anderson as “a brazen insult to our nation”.

In a report prepared by the Ministry of Defence, which oversaw the operation, the propaganda is said to be “of a concerning nature”, but concedes that “[the] Communist publications…pose little immediate risk to the State or its government in Kinross, however steps should be taken to fortify the Auckland provinces and dependencies to ensure that these posters will not promote restlessness.”

Anderson assured citizens that the Government would be taking all necessary steps to further strengthen defences in Kinross, Wellesley, Hobson, Watchman Island and Blacksands.

“We take the security of this nation very seriously, and all Siroccans can rest easy knowing that we will be doing all we must to ensure this disturbing new discovery does not lead to the downfall of our nation.”

The discovery of the publications comes in stark contrast to the report of last week’s Lunn Expedition, which determined the absence of Communist activities in and around Kinross province, and is likely to further the Government’s anti-Communist rhetoric, which has increased in strength and vigour in recent months.

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Reinhardt elected to St.Charlian Presidency

AT THE HELM: St.Charlian politician and founding father Alexander Reinhardt, pictured here representing his nation at the 2012 PoliNation conference, was unanimously elected to the Presidency on Monday.

St.Charlie, Feb 21 - St.Charlian politician, founding father and “old boy” of the MicroWiki community Alexander Reinhardt has been unanimously elected to the St.Charlian Presidency, an unsurprising result for an uncertain candidate.

News broke in the St.Charlian Observer this morning that Reinhardt had been endorsed by both his Nationalist colleagues and the Socialist government on Monday, and that he had been elected to the position on Monday nemine contradicente.

Reinhardt had previously served as St.Charlie’s Prime Minister between 2009 and 2011, and again in 2012, as well as holding positions within the nation’s Parliament and the Alvisi government of 2011-12.

Within the micronational community, he is known and respected as one of the oldest and most powerful voices within the MicroWiki sphere. Also of note in his long resume is his work in organising the PoliNation 2012 Conference in London and his help in organising the PoliNation 2014 Conference in Italy later this year.

Speaking to the Observer, Reinhardt said that he had come to understand his popularity and significance within the St.Charlian state, and said that the union of Nationalists and Socialists was beneficial to the nation.

Reinhardt also noted that he will follow a “bacon-and-eggs” policy of professional yet informal relationship with other micronations.

In Sirocco, both Premier Daniel Anderson and the Federal Party had been urging Reinhardt to run for several months, saying it was the final task for his glittering micronational career.

Shortly after Reinhardt’s confirmation he would be seeking the Presidency, Federal issued a tongue-in-cheek election poster urging St.Charlians to “vote #Senpai14″ or be considered as “homophobic”.

“Senpai” refers to the micronational nickname of Reinhardt, which was adopted after it was featured in an explicit love story, or “slashfic”, pairing him with King Ciprian of Juclandia last year that was met with equal horror and hilarity from the wider community, particularly after Reinhardt himself read the story aloud to participants of a Skype call the story was shared in.

Anderson lauded the result, saying of Reinhardt that “there is not a soul in St.Charlie that is more well-known or loved than Reinhardt, and I wish my colleague only the greatest of luck in his time as President and I especially look forward to working with him in the future to bring our nations closer together.”

SBC National Radio this morning dedicated the Seeburg version of Bill Haley’s hit Rock Around the Clock to Reinhardt, saying “great music befits a great man.”

Elsewhere in the community, congratulations have poured in, both from within St.Charlie itself and from around the world. Sabia and Verona noted that his election “felt right” and compared it to the ascension of Jonathan I to the Austenasian throne last year, while Serendipity noted that Reinhardt needed only to suspend Parliament and adopt liberal despotism to bring an end to the tongue-in-cheek “Bow Tie War” that has seen the two nations try to out-do each other in terms of suits and ties.

Reinhardt will assume the office from the outgoing James Lunam next month.

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Premier opens Bradford and Kinross

BACK AGAIN: Sirocco has returned to the city of Auckland with its new city of Bradford.

BACK AGAIN: Sirocco has returned to the city of Auckland with its new city of Bradford.

Bradford, KR, Feb 16 - Sirocco has today adopted its fourth capital in one year after Premier Daniel Anderson formally opened Bradford for business this afternoon.

Anderson departed from Alston at around 8am Eastern Time this morning, arriving in Bradford shortly before 12:30pm this afternoon.

Bradford was formally proclaimed the capital by Anderson at 12:34pm, taking effect one minute later.

This marks a change from last year’s capital shifts, where Havilland, Rathlyn and Alston all became capital while Anderson was en route to those cities.

Anderson said to journalists from the Times and the Siroccan Broadcasting Corporation (SBC) that he was “optimistic” for the nation under its new capital.

“What we have here is a blank slate to work upon. The nation will no doubt benefit enormously from Bradford and greater Kinross, and I have every hope that 2014 will be remembered as a year of progress for Sirocco.”

The SBC has confirmed that it will begin radio transmissions on Tuesday on the 57.6 MHz frequency, with testing scheduled to take place on Monday. No date was given for the commencement of television broadcasts, however a spokesperson for the Corporation said it would most likely be “sometime in March”.

National Post and Telegraph (NP&T) is working on connecting Kinross’ telephone and Internet lines to New Zealand by Tuesday.

NP&T announced this afternoon that telegram charges would drop to 2 baud (2 old shillings) in the coming week as a result of lower communications costs within Auckland.

Bradford and Kinross have been praised for their proximity to several major amenities, such as restaurants, shopping centres and the Eastern railway line that serves Auckland’s central-eastern suburbs, including Orakei, Glen Innes, Panmure and Sylvia Park.

A power pole and road sign located on the border have been keenly admired by interested parties, with the power pole that supplies the city’s electricity hailed as the “National Line” and described as having “enormous significance” to the power pole aspect of Siroccan culture.

The road sign has been slightly damaged by what is presumed to be passing vehicles on the highway that runs past Kinross, but is otherwise in good condition. Of note is a former logo of the original Auckland City Council located on the sign’s front, which interest groups have said must be preserved at all cost.

Road signs and power poles are protected under the Infrastructure Protection Act 2011, which gives the government the responsibility to do everything in its power to protect any signage or power poles on its territory.

Under Siroccan law, the national capital must be sited wherever the Premier’s permanent residence is located. Alston served as capital between November 2010 and February 2013, and again from November 2013 to February 2014; Havilland served for two brief periods in February and November 2013; and Rathlyn served between February and November 2013, the only capital to serve once.

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Repair work begins on Government Buildings floor

REPAIR WORK: Work has begun on addressing rotten flooring underneath the Government Building's Meeting Hall.

REPAIR WORK: Work has begun on addressing rotten flooring underneath the Government Buildings’ Meeting Hall.

Alston, CA, Jan 10 – Rotten flooring underneath Alston’s Government Buildings has finally been addressed today as work begins on tearing out and replacing failing floorboards underneath the Meeting Hall.

Contractors this afternoon began removing wooden beams and floorboards affected by borer decades ago that has weakened to near breaking point.

The condition of some boards was so poor that they would crumble in a shower of dust when tapped with a crowbar.

Alongside the rotting flooring, stabler floorboards have been observed moving during the removal of their rotten counterparts, a condition attributed to loose, ill-suited nails used when the Buildings were moved to their current site between 30 and 50 years ago.

The nails are to be removed and the floorboards stabilised with screws.

Work has finished for the day with a large wooden board covering the hole in the Hall’s floor, with replacement wood, screws and glue scheduled to be acquired and used to complete the repairs tomorrow.

The cost of the repairs is estimated to be between §120 and §200.

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Eastwood retains office, Mejakhansk refuses to stay silent

VICTORIOUS: Socialist Prime Minister Alexander Eastwood has claimed the rare honour of re-election from National opponent Marka Mejakhansk. (Picture courtesy St.Charlian Observer)

New Branson, St.Charlie, Jan 7 - St.Charlie will continue to have Socialist governance following the results of the nation’s general elections, which saw National opposition leader Marka Mejakhansk fail to unseat incumbent Prime Minister Alexander Eastwood.

The Socialist government was able to comfortably retain power, seeing off National contenders with a 58% majority of votes cast.

Voters in Atlantis and Caroline Charlotte ensured those Federations stayed red.

National gained just 42% of the vote, but was able to hold onto the Federations of Greater Ridgeway, New Branson and Koss and wrest control of Tor Pendente from the Socialists.

Eastwood thanked all his supporters, and said he looked forward to working with the Nationalists in the coming year.

Mejakhansk warned that the year would not be easy for the Socialists, with the Nationalists planning on putting forward a strong opposition for 2014.

“[while] the New Socialist Party has won the election [...] the National Party will not sit idle”, Mejakhansk said in a speech to the General Assembly and assembled Nationalists.

Congratulatory messages have flooded in from across St.Charlie and the community, with Siroccan Premier Daniel Anderson saying that he wishes “the best of luck to Eastwood in his second term”, and congratulating the Nationalists on “a hard campaign, and while it did not result in your election, you have our greatest support for your effort in 2015.”

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